tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10096341005100980322024-03-17T23:04:04.319-07:00Smart Ass MomSmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.comBlogger161125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-69600284807639120172011-07-12T20:28:00.001-07:002011-07-12T20:37:23.950-07:00It's all about the shit.If you noticed in my top ten things I didn't think I'd say post, I had a lot to say about potty training.Sabrina still isn't potty trained. She'll be three next month. Honestly, I'm surprised she's not trained. She was ready and willing to use the potty. The first day she decided to use the potty? Was her first day of preschool! Yay! Oh, wait? What else happened that day? Travis was admitted to SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-18747379165984796362011-07-05T20:32:00.002-07:002011-07-05T20:43:47.190-07:00Dear Travis: I am so sorry.I wrote this back in November of last year. Right before I finally got help for my post partum depression with Travis.I sat in the dark watching an episode of 16 and pregnant, remarking to myself what a good mother this little girl was.A much better mother than me. To my son. Because I've been in a very dark place.I have been making excuse after excuse.I just need him to sleep better.I just need SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-59711820845424025162011-06-27T13:48:00.000-07:002011-06-28T20:07:35.409-07:00Ten things I never thought I'd say1. Did you poop? Come here, let me smell your butt.2. You'll eat it and you'll like it.3. Wait, you really did poop on the floor? Why?4. Caillou uses the potty. Don't you want to be like Caillou?5. Hi, I was calling to get some more information on your special education pre-school program.6. I can't change your diaper if you don't stop playing with your penis. I've heard it's fun, but really, youSmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-12365929402055220542011-06-21T11:29:00.000-07:002011-06-21T11:46:23.667-07:00Pay it ForwardI was recently contacted by a person who found my blog via the Stirrup Queens - which is an insanely organized (and for ME to commend someone on their organization is huge as I'm obsessed with organization myself) list of infertility blogs, as well as life after infertility blogs. The Stirrup Queens were a fantastic resource for me when I was in the thick of infertility, because I could easily SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-60889585313606106932011-06-16T08:22:00.000-07:002011-06-16T08:29:40.523-07:00Stinky BitchSabrina's new favorite book is "I Love You Stinky Face". I happen to love it, too and constantly tell her "I love you, Stinky Face!" She repeats everything these days, but due to her speech delay and issues with pronunciation and articulation, it comes out as "I love you stinky bitch" when she says it. Because she uses B sounds instead of F sounds, and "ch" sounds instead of "s" sounds. I SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-88024693003018205232011-05-31T19:52:00.000-07:002011-05-31T20:22:02.759-07:00Oh, uh hey there neglected blog.Sooooo neglected blog.So here's what happened. I had another baby. My position at work changed and I got incredibly busy. Then it changed again and I got busier. Then my baby turned into more than a lump and my toddler became even more high maintenance. Then the plaque hit our house and the kids were sick for about three months straight, I had about 4 major colds, a sinus infection and a stomach SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-76346621608502768442011-02-28T10:39:00.001-08:002011-02-28T10:56:39.443-08:00February? You can suck it.Sabrina turned 2 1/2 almost 2 weeks ago. I don't normally celebrate half birthdays but for some reason this one seemed significant. I had planned to take a bunch of pictures, write an eloquent blog post about how much she has grown and changed, and how much I adore watching her become her own wonderful (albeit fiesty) person. But that didn't happen.Why? Because the plague invaded our SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-11866116094093216762011-02-02T09:53:00.000-08:002011-02-02T10:10:31.734-08:005 monthsDear Mister Travy-T,Why does 5 months suddenly make you seem so old? I remember just a couple months ago when you were screaming and crying non stop and I just wished and wished time would speed up so and you'd outgrow the hell that was colic. Now I wonder where the last two months went.I remember being pregnant with you and thinking you were just this chill little guy. My mellow dude. Then you SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-22152193324007172372011-01-16T09:23:00.000-08:002011-01-16T09:26:16.620-08:00The feminist in me wants to hate this picture.But the mom in me can't help but love it.SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-81221125276943344872011-01-11T17:42:00.000-08:002011-01-11T17:46:34.079-08:00Do you feel guilty?I'm curious. This has nothing to do with...well, anything relevant really.You know those organizations that send you mailing labels with your name and address on them? In the hopes you have some sort of moral compass and will decide to donate to their cause instead of just using them without contributing to their cause at all? Because what kind of person would use the free labels without donatingSmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-84993457424562193002011-01-09T19:45:00.001-08:002011-01-09T19:54:53.359-08:00Sugar Ray SabrinaPlease, please. Someone tell me my daughter is not the only 2 year old that hits.And please, please someone tell me how the fuck to stop it. Because I am *thisclose* to putting her out on the doorstep with a sign: "Free to a good home. I may look cute, but I have a left hook like you wouldn't believe. God Speed."Seriously, what is going on with my child? The hitting seems to be mainly for my SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-30822327169666751202010-12-21T19:23:00.001-08:002010-12-21T19:25:46.794-08:00You know you're a mom of two when......your emails to the pediatrician go from"I don't know what's wrong, but her nose is running and ohmagod, I think she might have a temperature of 99.1 and I think we should be seen right this very second, I hope we make it, OH MY GOD!" with your first to......"Yeah, he sounds like he's been smoking a pack a day his entire life and runs a low grade temp, oh, all the time...but I'm sure he's fine SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-45002984521266903802010-12-20T08:14:00.000-08:002010-12-20T08:26:20.276-08:00Kind of like a holiday letter you receive but not really.I realized I more than kind of am overdue in updates on lots of things I've blogged about lately.The lambs have stopped crying: Travis is a million times better! Once we got him on the right med for his reflux (Prevacid), and the right dosage (which is being increased as we speak), the inconsolable screaming got much better. But he was still crazy fussy, the only difference was we could console SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-71740843469728858882010-12-07T10:16:00.000-08:002010-12-07T10:22:29.444-08:00Not so smug anymoreLast year, at Christmas time, we had a toddler that was new to toddling.She'd been walking for a few months, but was surprisingly not too interested in Christmas decorations.However we decided to interpret her lack of interest, and therefore lack of touching, grabbing and breaking things as a testament to our awesome parenting and discipline skills.Or skilz.I knew several people with kids our ageSmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-49874493469464632402010-11-24T09:12:00.000-08:002010-11-24T09:14:35.559-08:00"Did you want to fix his hair?"That's what the studio photographer asked before taking Travis' picture.I replied, "I already did."SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-55846195398365177382010-11-23T10:06:00.000-08:002010-11-23T10:15:52.946-08:00Diaper changes: A combat sportNot so recently, changing Sabrina's diaper has turned into good practice for me if I'm ever attacked in a parking lot. I get to practice my defensive moves for every single diaper change. (Don't get me started on putting on clothes, that alone could qualify me for Ultimate Fighter).A couple weeks ago, she decided to use the potty. Out of the blue. We've had the potty chairs in her bathroom for SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-61127500265580689282010-11-08T13:18:00.000-08:002010-11-08T13:31:05.443-08:00My pre-schoolerLast week marked Sabrina's very first day of school ever.She started pre-school last Monday. Which happened to coincide with Travis' admission to the hospital, which sucked in every way, but somehow we managed to do the drop off and pick up without her thinking the day was about anything but her.This parent of 2 kids thing is tough.Since Chris and I both work full time, even before she was born ISmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-91536678007746505542010-11-02T19:37:00.001-07:002010-11-02T20:04:37.454-07:00Two monthsDear Travis,Today, you are two months old.You're spending this anniversary in the hospital.Early (very early) the day after Halloween, I got up with you and you were very warm. Your temperature was 101.9 rectally. Yes, I take your temperature rectally, and if you're anything like your sister you'll have to endure that until you're almost two. I like accuracy, okay?After a trip to the pediatricianSmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-31403071397475622832010-10-20T12:23:00.001-07:002010-10-20T12:36:45.965-07:00There are numerous things around my house that could impale my genitalia.But you don't see me blaming the manufacturer for that, do you?Yet another recall involving baby/kids items was announced today. This time 2 million Graco strollers because yet again, people did not use the stroller properly (by um, not strapping their kid in the harness) and 4 children have died. I think it's tragic these children died, especially since they died because someone chose not to useSmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-53890586987456367132010-10-19T13:16:00.001-07:002010-10-19T13:32:58.498-07:00Who is this child?When did my little baby turn into a little girl? Isn't she the cutest thing ever? Wait, wait. She's even cuter with BRAIDS!Nevermind that she isn't looking at the camera. I'm sure there was an episode of Phineas & Ferb on the television to distract her. Which, incidentally, I do realize is not age appropriate for her, but it's really fucking funny. And I need a break from that god damn SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-609814922680032292010-10-09T15:59:00.000-07:002010-10-09T16:11:56.583-07:00The C-WordNot that c-word.Colic.We finally accepted the fact that Travis has colic last week. Or is colicky. Whatever you want to call it, he cried. A lot. Not only was he inconsolable, but he was just generally a totally unhappy guy. If he was awake, he was either crying or frowning.It's pretty much my worst nightmare when it comes to newborns.I will say the last two days he's been better, we've even SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-90522958592553199332010-09-27T13:38:00.000-07:002010-09-27T14:05:18.002-07:00The first few weeks.I'll be honest.Life with a toddler who suddenly decided horrible temper tantrums were a good way to spend an afternoon, a newborn who likes to complain A LOT, and a husband who gets his panties in a wad when I innocently ask why every single pair of shoes he owns squeaks on the hardwood floors is a little hard at times. There have been a couple occasions when I might have even lost my temper. I SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-2736177371172255042010-09-26T16:51:00.000-07:002010-09-26T16:58:17.136-07:00I'd be mortified if I got in a car accident.I took the advice of my friends in the computer and purchased granny panties to help cope with the pain recovering from a c-section. The incision is so low all of my underwear laid right on top of the incision...which, incidentally, hurts pretty fucking bad for the first few days and is still super sensitive and sore to this day. I find it annoying.But I really had no knowledge of the different SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-80165888082067185442010-09-17T12:50:00.000-07:002010-09-17T13:10:45.909-07:00I'm kinda pissed off about whooping cough.Typically, I don't blog too much about hot buttons like vaccines, not because I fear nasty comments but because I truly don't care what most people's opinions are. That's not saying I don't care what my readers opinions are, because I do. That's the whole point of this blogging thing, the back and forth. I just don't care about the random asshole who googled whooping cough or vaccines, found a SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-65531931079937236132010-09-15T13:15:00.000-07:002010-09-15T13:26:23.543-07:00Home.Travis came home on Saturday, 9/11. (We seem to be really into significant dates with this one. First, 90210 as a birthday and now 9/11 as a coming home day.)I have yet to upload any of his pictures but he looks much better without his IV in his head. Although the tape residue is still there, which kind of makes us besties already since I am constantly finding tape residue on my body somewhere. SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com5