tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10096341005100980322012-02-16T08:38:08.561-08:00SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.comBlogger1611100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-69600284807639120172011-07-12T20:28:00.001-07:002011-07-12T20:37:23.950-07:00

If you noticed in my top ten things I didn't think I'd say post, I had a lot to say about potty training.Sabrina still isn't potty trained. She'll be three next month. Honestly, I'm surprised she's not trained. She was ready and willing to use the potty. The first day she decided to use the potty? Was her first day of preschool! Yay! Oh, wait? What else happened that day? Travis was admitted to

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-18747379165984796362011-07-05T20:32:00.002-07:002011-07-05T20:43:47.190-07:00

I wrote this back in November of last year. Right before I finally got help for my post partum depression with Travis.I sat in the dark watching an episode of 16 and pregnant, remarking to myself what a good mother this little girl was.A much better mother than me. To my son. Because I've been in a very dark place.I have been making excuse after excuse.I just need him to sleep better.I just need

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-59711820845424025162011-06-27T13:48:00.000-07:002011-06-28T20:07:35.409-07:00

1. Did you poop? Come here, let me smell your butt.2. You'll eat it and you'll like it.3. Wait, you really did poop on the floor? Why?4. Caillou uses the potty. Don't you want to be like Caillou?5. Hi, I was calling to get some more information on your special education pre-school program.6. I can't change your diaper if you don't stop playing with your penis. I've heard it's fun, but really, you

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-12365929402055220542011-06-21T11:29:00.000-07:002011-06-21T11:46:23.667-07:00

I was recently contacted by a person who found my blog via the Stirrup Queens - which is an insanely organized (and for ME to commend someone on their organization is huge as I'm obsessed with organization myself) list of infertility blogs, as well as life after infertility blogs. The Stirrup Queens were a fantastic resource for me when I was in the thick of infertility, because I could easily

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-60889585313606106932011-06-16T08:22:00.000-07:002011-06-16T08:29:40.523-07:00

Sabrina's new favorite book is "I Love You Stinky Face". I happen to love it, too and constantly tell her "I love you, Stinky Face!" She repeats everything these days, but due to her speech delay and issues with pronunciation and articulation, it comes out as "I love you stinky bitch" when she says it. Because she uses B sounds instead of F sounds, and "ch" sounds instead of "s" sounds. I

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-88024693003018205232011-05-31T19:52:00.000-07:002011-05-31T20:22:02.759-07:00

Sooooo neglected blog.So here's what happened. I had another baby. My position at work changed and I got incredibly busy. Then it changed again and I got busier. Then my baby turned into more than a lump and my toddler became even more high maintenance. Then the plaque hit our house and the kids were sick for about three months straight, I had about 4 major colds, a sinus infection and a stomach

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-76346621608502768442011-02-28T10:39:00.001-08:002011-02-28T10:56:39.443-08:00

Sabrina turned 2 1/2 almost 2 weeks ago. I don't normally celebrate half birthdays but for some reason this one seemed significant. I had planned to take a bunch of pictures, write an eloquent blog post about how much she has grown and changed, and how much I adore watching her become her own wonderful (albeit fiesty) person. But that didn't happen.Why? Because the plague invaded our

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-11866116094093216762011-02-02T09:53:00.000-08:002011-02-02T10:10:31.734-08:00

Dear Mister Travy-T,Why does 5 months suddenly make you seem so old? I remember just a couple months ago when you were screaming and crying non stop and I just wished and wished time would speed up so and you'd outgrow the hell that was colic. Now I wonder where the last two months went.I remember being pregnant with you and thinking you were just this chill little guy. My mellow dude. Then you

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-22152193324007172372011-01-16T09:23:00.000-08:002011-01-16T09:26:16.620-08:00

But the mom in me can't help but love it.

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-81221125276943344872011-01-11T17:42:00.000-08:002011-01-11T17:46:34.079-08:00

I'm curious. This has nothing to do with...well, anything relevant really.You know those organizations that send you mailing labels with your name and address on them? In the hopes you have some sort of moral compass and will decide to donate to their cause instead of just using them without contributing to their cause at all? Because what kind of person would use the free labels without donating

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-84993457424562193002011-01-09T19:45:00.001-08:002011-01-09T19:54:53.359-08:00

Please, please. Someone tell me my daughter is not the only 2 year old that hits.And please, please someone tell me how the fuck to stop it. Because I am *thisclose* to putting her out on the doorstep with a sign: "Free to a good home. I may look cute, but I have a left hook like you wouldn't believe. God Speed."Seriously, what is going on with my child? The hitting seems to be mainly for my

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-30822327169666751202010-12-21T19:23:00.001-08:002010-12-21T19:25:46.794-08:00

...your emails to the pediatrician go from"I don't know what's wrong, but her nose is running and ohmagod, I think she might have a temperature of 99.1 and I think we should be seen right this very second, I hope we make it, OH MY GOD!" with your first to......"Yeah, he sounds like he's been smoking a pack a day his entire life and runs a low grade temp, oh, all the time...but I'm sure he's fine

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-45002984521266903802010-12-20T08:14:00.000-08:002010-12-20T08:26:20.276-08:00

I realized I more than kind of am overdue in updates on lots of things I've blogged about lately.The lambs have stopped crying: Travis is a million times better! Once we got him on the right med for his reflux (Prevacid), and the right dosage (which is being increased as we speak), the inconsolable screaming got much better. But he was still crazy fussy, the only difference was we could console

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-71740843469728858882010-12-07T10:16:00.000-08:002010-12-07T10:22:29.444-08:00

Last year, at Christmas time, we had a toddler that was new to toddling.She'd been walking for a few months, but was surprisingly not too interested in Christmas decorations.However we decided to interpret her lack of interest, and therefore lack of touching, grabbing and breaking things as a testament to our awesome parenting and discipline skills.Or skilz.I knew several people with kids our age

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-49874493469464632402010-11-24T09:12:00.000-08:002010-11-24T09:14:35.559-08:00

That's what the studio photographer asked before taking Travis' picture.I replied, "I already did."

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-55846195398365177382010-11-23T10:06:00.000-08:002010-11-23T10:15:52.946-08:00

Not so recently, changing Sabrina's diaper has turned into good practice for me if I'm ever attacked in a parking lot. I get to practice my defensive moves for every single diaper change. (Don't get me started on putting on clothes, that alone could qualify me for Ultimate Fighter).A couple weeks ago, she decided to use the potty. Out of the blue. We've had the potty chairs in her bathroom for

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-61127500265580689282010-11-08T13:18:00.000-08:002010-11-08T13:31:05.443-08:00

Last week marked Sabrina's very first day of school ever.She started pre-school last Monday. Which happened to coincide with Travis' admission to the hospital, which sucked in every way, but somehow we managed to do the drop off and pick up without her thinking the day was about anything but her.This parent of 2 kids thing is tough.Since Chris and I both work full time, even before she was born I

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-91536678007746505542010-11-02T19:37:00.001-07:002010-11-02T20:04:37.454-07:00

Dear Travis,Today, you are two months old.You're spending this anniversary in the hospital.Early (very early) the day after Halloween, I got up with you and you were very warm. Your temperature was 101.9 rectally. Yes, I take your temperature rectally, and if you're anything like your sister you'll have to endure that until you're almost two. I like accuracy, okay?After a trip to the pediatrician

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-31403071397475622832010-10-20T12:23:00.001-07:002010-10-20T12:36:45.965-07:00

But you don't see me blaming the manufacturer for that, do you?Yet another recall involving baby/kids items was announced today. This time 2 million Graco strollers because yet again, people did not use the stroller properly (by um, not strapping their kid in the harness) and 4 children have died. I think it's tragic these children died, especially since they died because someone chose not to use

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-53890586987456367132010-10-19T13:16:00.001-07:002010-10-19T13:32:58.498-07:00

When did my little baby turn into a little girl? Isn't she the cutest thing ever? Wait, wait. She's even cuter with BRAIDS!Nevermind that she isn't looking at the camera. I'm sure there was an episode of Phineas & Ferb on the television to distract her. Which, incidentally, I do realize is not age appropriate for her, but it's really fucking funny. And I need a break from that god damn

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-609814922680032292010-10-09T15:59:00.000-07:002010-10-09T16:11:56.583-07:00

Not that c-word.Colic.We finally accepted the fact that Travis has colic last week. Or is colicky. Whatever you want to call it, he cried. A lot. Not only was he inconsolable, but he was just generally a totally unhappy guy. If he was awake, he was either crying or frowning.It's pretty much my worst nightmare when it comes to newborns.I will say the last two days he's been better, we've even

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-90522958592553199332010-09-27T13:38:00.000-07:002010-09-27T14:05:18.002-07:00

I'll be honest.Life with a toddler who suddenly decided horrible temper tantrums were a good way to spend an afternoon, a newborn who likes to complain A LOT, and a husband who gets his panties in a wad when I innocently ask why every single pair of shoes he owns squeaks on the hardwood floors is a little hard at times. There have been a couple occasions when I might have even lost my temper. I

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-2736177371172255042010-09-26T16:51:00.000-07:002010-09-26T16:58:17.136-07:00

I took the advice of my friends in the computer and purchased granny panties to help cope with the pain recovering from a c-section. The incision is so low all of my underwear laid right on top of the incision...which, incidentally, hurts pretty fucking bad for the first few days and is still super sensitive and sore to this day. I find it annoying.But I really had no knowledge of the different

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-80165888082067185442010-09-17T12:50:00.000-07:002010-09-17T13:10:45.909-07:00

Typically, I don't blog too much about hot buttons like vaccines, not because I fear nasty comments but because I truly don't care what most people's opinions are. That's not saying I don't care what my readers opinions are, because I do. That's the whole point of this blogging thing, the back and forth. I just don't care about the random asshole who googled whooping cough or vaccines, found a

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-65531931079937236132010-09-15T13:15:00.000-07:002010-09-15T13:26:23.543-07:00

Travis came home on Saturday, 9/11. (We seem to be really into significant dates with this one. First, 90210 as a birthday and now 9/11 as a coming home day.)I have yet to upload any of his pictures but he looks much better without his IV in his head. Although the tape residue is still there, which kind of makes us besties already since I am constantly finding tape residue on my body somewhere.

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-14541422530803843112010-09-08T08:47:00.003-07:002010-09-08T14:10:36.857-07:00

I really didn't intentionally create a cliff hanger in regards to what is going on with Travis with my last post. I hate cliff hangers. I seriously hate when the season finale of a TV show is a cliff hanger. It's just cruel.I never, ever expected my full term (overdue!) over 8lb baby to end up in the NICU. Sabrina, we expected to end up there...until she made it to term. But Travis? Wasn't even

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-5860939013407767482010-09-05T14:08:00.001-07:002010-09-05T15:19:22.942-07:00

Have I mentioned I loved the series 90210? So much so that when I was on bedrest with Sabrina I watched the entire series - twice - in repeats?Also, I love the name Dylan.Maybe I should have named my son Dylan. But we didn't. We named him Travis Paul, and he was born on 9-02-10 (aka, 90210 Day. Really, Google it. It was real).The all important stats:Born on Thursday, September 2nd, 2010 at 1:46am

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-13559107387451744682010-08-31T15:49:00.000-07:002010-08-31T16:01:33.415-07:00

Sabrina's speech therapy finally started last week. It's going fantastic. Her speech therapist is great, she's awesome with Sabrina and she's already using more expressive gestures and words. It's exciting and wonderful and as often as I tell her how proud I am of her, I know she's the most proud of herself. She's learning about accomplishments and keeps trying and I couldn't ask for more.That's

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-16189128446970709362010-08-30T11:28:00.000-07:002010-08-30T11:48:30.645-07:00

Today, August 30th, is my due date.I'm still pregnant. WTF.? I couldn't keep Sabrina in, and I can't get this one out. He's just getting bigger and bigger, and oh by the way - so am I.Clearly my attempt to blog him out didn't work. Can you believe, after months of false labor with my first, that I haven't had ONE SINGLE episode of time able contractions? At 40 weeks, not one.Since I was a couple

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-46433243175302810162010-08-23T13:07:00.000-07:002010-08-23T13:20:39.886-07:00

39 weeks today. 39 weeks. Anyone that has been pregnant knows the end is rather miserable. With Sabrina, I delivered at about 38 weeks and I wasn't that uncomfortable or miserable. I was mentally ready - more than ready - but physically I was hanging in there. This time? I'm physically a mess and mentally unprepared. But it is time to get this little guy out. I hurt.I've decided tomorrow is D-Day

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-64729807194783468032010-08-17T09:24:00.000-07:002010-08-19T09:01:00.848-07:00

Dear Sabrina,You've turned me into a walking cliche. I honestly can't believe it has been two years since you were born. The time has flown by, especially this past year as you've really developed into your own little person with a huge personality.You are truly the light of our life. We smother you with affection and can't leave you alone for a second. Seriously, one of us is pretty much always

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-39643954036732375172010-08-16T08:22:00.000-07:002010-08-16T08:35:13.934-07:00

Today, I am 38 weeks pregnant. I had Sabrina at 38 weeks, 2 days. Last week at my appointment, I was 3cm dilated and about 80% effaced. With Sabrina, I was 1cm and 50% almost the entire pregnancy, until my water broke. And even then the midwife claimed I was only 2cm after being in very active labor for over and hour. So I fired her. But I digress.So it seems I'm making progress, right? Also, way

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-22210448566262142002010-08-13T13:10:00.001-07:002010-08-13T13:37:01.034-07:00

Five years ago today....I got my make up done.I was tied into my wedding dress.I ran from the safety of the limo to the room at the church to avoid being seen. Do you see the crowds of people I was avoiding? Yeah, me neither.My husband to be and his groomsmen took time before the ceremony to reflect on the big day with maturity and wisdom.Clearly he was taking this day very seriously.Thankfully

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-46014187050633922212010-08-10T08:51:00.000-07:002010-08-10T09:11:08.983-07:00

Sabrina's actual 2nd birthday isn't for another week or so, but just in case we have an early arrival (since she and her brother's due dates are only one day apart) we decided to have her birthday party early so she wouldn't have to share it with a newborn. This time, we kept it simple since we went all out for her 1st and just had our immediate families over. And? Simple is better. Way better.

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-5283627635548714372010-08-05T15:37:00.000-07:002010-08-05T15:44:59.646-07:00

I started maternity leave this week. In California, you get up to 4 weeks prior to your due date and I was all for it. Granted my OB insisted, but by the time 36 weeks rolled around I was quite happy to stop working. It was stressing me out beyond belief, I was getting nothing done at home to prepare for #2, and I wanted to spend some alone time with Sabrina before her sibling arrives.Of course

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-9461447907902975442010-07-29T10:04:00.000-07:002010-07-29T10:42:04.825-07:00

The other day it hit me. Sabrina and I have a routine when we get home in the afternoon. I pick her up from daycare, we go home, I get her water, milk or juice (whatever she wants that day) and an Animal cracker (judge away, people. Juice and a cookie! She's not even two! OHMYGOD...hold on, it gets better.)Then, after I change into my play clothes ala Mister Rogers, we sit and watch a show On

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-48482006778544189952010-07-12T09:46:00.001-07:002010-07-12T10:27:42.207-07:00

About twelve years ago, I was living the single life (read: working and going home to an empty house), a cat appeared one night when I was taking out the garbage. I'm not a cat person. First, it scared the shit out of me, and second, it wouldn't go away. It was all clingy and shit. It was picking the wrong person to attach to, I was not living a lifestyle that would be conducive to having a pet

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-65768780844805988682010-07-08T08:18:00.000-07:002010-07-08T08:50:46.859-07:00

First, because I'm never going to get to the blog post about how much fun Sabrina had at the fair, I'll just include a picture to show you how super cute she was in the petting zoo.(And I'll refrain from telling you the story about the goat that put his head up my dress.)Ah, isn't she so stinking cute? Really, I know I'm a little biased, but who doesn't see it?And my cutie patootie is returning

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-33322032976148637382010-07-06T08:21:00.000-07:002010-07-06T08:40:41.315-07:00

I'm pretty sure I'm officially overwhelmed right now.When I was pregnant with Sabrina, I couldn't do anything. I wasn't even allowed to walk. I was to be laying down, on my side, 95% of the time. That other 5% I got to go to the bathroom, take a shower, make a quick lunch (or grab a handful of Twix bars) and that's about it. With this one, I haven't had to make many changes and I've taken full

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-16161955257210889812010-06-17T13:31:00.001-07:002010-06-17T13:48:09.803-07:00

Several years ago, I decided I was probably a genius and as such, should probably join some genius club or organization. Be with my peeps, you know?The only club I knew of was Mensa. So, like most geniuses would, I googled "how do I join MenZa?" And Google? The smart ass we all know it can be? Responded with, "Do you mean MenSa?" I had the sound turned off but I'm pretty sure there was

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-85848340825670958942010-06-16T09:52:00.000-07:002010-06-16T10:20:51.342-07:00

The time has come. I had to take off my rings. I'm able to keep my wedding band on since it's a little big for me, but my engagement ring had to go, as well as a god-awful ugly ring I've been sporting for the last several months.That god-awful ugly ring was my gramma's. It's a cluster of garnets (with a couple missing) made to look like flowers. It's rather hideous. I'm not sure she even liked it

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-67607479231709411172010-06-07T12:37:00.000-07:002010-06-07T12:50:52.549-07:00

I haven't posted too much specific to my pregnancy because it has been so uneventful. Which is fabulous. And so different from last time.This time, it was not only a very welcome surprise (and free!) but the pregnancy has been pretty much normal. Sure, apparently my cervix is totally soft (like butta) and that concerns my OB, but it's not the incredibly shrinking cervix I had with Sabrina and -

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-41680292289550873202010-06-04T09:11:00.000-07:002010-06-04T09:43:18.753-07:00

April 24th:A beautiful rendering of a sweet, loving child interested in reading.May 30th:Same child, still interested in reading, yet not so sweet or loving. This is what happens when you ask her to smile.In less than a month, my absolute delight of a daughter turned into a terror. Actually it happened within a couple days and hit hard. Really, really hard. At first I blamed teething. Which she

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-49984956302632369892010-05-24T08:37:00.000-07:002010-05-24T08:59:00.703-07:00

Shortly after we found out I was pregnant, we started on our home improvement project for this year. Sure, we'd planned on it before that whole pregnancy thing. Sure, we were very much looking forward to the improvements. Sure, we had nixed a couple other projects because they didn't make sense financially with another family member on the way. It seemed like we were being rational.Problem is,

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-14024087744283261672010-05-14T08:14:00.000-07:002010-05-14T08:32:13.633-07:00

You know what really fucks with your head? Near death experiences.I swear I'm not being dramatic when I tell you I came *thisclose* to being in a horrific car accident yesterday, and had it not been miraculously avoided, there is no way both Lucky and I would have survived. (I do feel the need to explain this would have been in no way my fault, it was entirely the fault of the bitch who pulled

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-37964643686481261142010-05-10T08:11:00.000-07:002010-05-10T08:24:37.549-07:00

I'm still very much an infertile on Mother's Day.I don't care for Hallmark holidays. We don't celebrate Valentine's Day, because what's the point? A day to let my husband know I love him? Isn't that (supposed to be) every day? Mother's Day is no different to me. Or Father's Day.But I have an especially bad taste in my mouth about Mother's Day.Much to my own mother's displeasure, I'm sure. I have

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-73663164291100108882010-04-28T08:06:00.000-07:002010-04-28T08:21:05.236-07:00

And? Also quite gratifying.You know the one. The one that knows everything. That gloats and brags how great their child is. That has never had a problem with any of the issues that keep many of us awake most nights. The one that you're pretty sure is a big fucking liar. To be honest, we've never really had the opportunity to be that parent. Partly because we aren't liars, partly because we have

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-73831270382728224852010-04-20T10:15:00.001-07:002010-04-20T10:36:02.641-07:00

Dear Genevieve,Recently, I purchased your Choo-Choo Soul DVD and CD for my daughter. My sister in law had discovered it at a retail store, and both my daughter and nephew enjoyed the DVD very much. Since most of my daughter's exposure to music had been along the likes of Lady Gaga, and since she's on the verge of starting to use words like "disco stick" in public, I thought a more

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-51471858968131800372010-04-13T12:47:00.000-07:002010-04-13T13:04:37.158-07:00

Is this a pregnancy thing? I've developed an unhealthy obsession with my daughter.Yes, I still go to work every day and function like normal. On the outside. But beyond that, I am obsessed with kissing her, hugging her, forcing her to snuggle, having crazy fun playtime every chance we get. Sure, it sounds like a normal, loving mom. Problem is, my obsession has made me not want to discipline her

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-74186429215695615562010-03-26T09:12:00.000-07:002010-03-26T09:19:04.045-07:00

Once again, y'all got it right - we're having a BOY!And most importantly, everything checked out great on the ultrasound and blood work. No evidence of any heart problems or any other birth defects or abnormalities, and the second half of my screening blood work actually lowered our chances even more so we declined an amnio. The genetic counselor had told us that if the ultrasound was clear and

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-7925755438660999872010-03-24T08:02:00.000-07:002010-03-24T08:46:42.766-07:00

Our big ultrasound is tomorrow. Many people look forward to this ultrasound because they get to find out the gender; we get to find out if there is something wrong or not. Well, and find out the gender. Honestly I'm impressed at how calm we've been these last few weeks. There wasn't a thing we could do to get answers except wait; so we did. I didn't even Google (much). I did seek advice from my

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-75497478512530219272010-03-16T08:53:00.000-07:002010-03-16T09:30:29.574-07:00

A few months ago, we received an offer in the mail to join the Disney Movie Club.(Yes, as a matter of fact, I was a member of the Columbia House music club. And no, the crappy selection I had to pick from was not worth the 15 CD's I got for a penny. And no, I clearly have not learned my lesson).We received 6 DVD's for a dollar or something ridiculous. I picked out a couple that I remembered being

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-88576584767745701642010-03-08T10:35:00.000-08:002010-03-08T10:48:11.669-08:00

Because eeeeewwww, that really smells bad.Sabrina had her first real bought with the stomach flu over the weekend. Poor love was vomiting a lot. But the saddest part of the story was about Chris.For some odd reason - really, the timing was uncanny - Chris was the only one that was vomited on, and the only one cleaning up vomit for two straight days. Now, if you read this blog or know us in real

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-63071250475383414762010-03-02T10:22:00.000-08:002010-03-02T10:39:43.209-08:00

The last couple months, Sabrina either had a cold, nightmares or was teething the molars from hell, so she was waking up at night. As a result, one of us was up with her at least once (okay, it was usually Chris because I'm a hard sleeper and I might be a little bit lazy) and now she's created a habit of it.There is nothing wrong. She's not hungry, or hurt, or having nightmares or cold or

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-34251572341230405222010-03-01T10:43:00.000-08:002010-03-01T15:51:35.426-08:00

And oh ma gawd, do you think I care? If you're one year old is sitting next to me reciting Shakespeare, I'm not impressed. Actually you've accomplished the opposite. I think you're an idiot that buys shit off of infomercials and someone that has a lot of weird-ass insecurities to think that making your kid recite shit on demand makes you look smarter. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned my stance on

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-40589869237754151962010-02-23T13:55:00.000-08:002010-03-02T11:47:00.116-08:00

As in "waiting for the other shoe to drop".Thus far, I've had what I would think is a totally normal pregnancy, and I'm totally unaccustomed to that. But, I was enjoying it. I got pregnant for free and without constant trips to the doctor, shooting up hormones every morning and night, surgery. I found out by surprise, not by counting the days until I could test. I felt sick and actually threw up

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-62897745352366818302010-02-18T14:04:00.000-08:002010-02-18T14:05:04.704-08:00

We'll always remember today as your due date.

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-40475704924587540212010-02-10T08:21:00.000-08:002010-02-10T09:09:25.379-08:00

Yesterday I had my "confirmation" appointment, presumably to "confirm" that there is still something in there. Considering we've been in the position where that confirmation was a negative, roger, the name "confirmation appointment" had me literally sweating...despite my obsession with the doppler pre-appointment.They don't use the doppler at this appointment since I'm only 11 weeks and

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-83137819262072480732010-02-04T12:35:00.000-08:002010-02-04T12:47:26.123-08:00

Completely the opposite of my usual, awe-inspiring posts. Right?I have literally had nothing to say. Actually, that's not true. I wrote a tirade about a post that pissed me off on another blog, and felt totally justified because the blogger moderated comments and only included the comments that ooohed and ahhhhhed over what she had written so I felt I was forced to respond on my blog. But then my

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-10912720262819707492010-01-21T08:55:00.000-08:002010-01-21T09:08:09.036-08:00

No shit, it said on the package (because I paid by the pound, of course) that it weighed 0.55 pounds.When I finished it, I looked at Chris and said "I just ate a half pound of tapioca pudding."He replied, "Really fast, too." Hmph. Also, I cried watching the Bachelor and threw an internal temper tantrum like no other when I discovered that I was the only one without a tv dinner on tv dinner night.

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-36929463628298655942010-01-18T09:41:00.000-08:002010-01-18T09:58:24.427-08:00

Saturday was Sabrina's first gymnastics class.Oh my god, y'all, she totally kicked ass.This picture was taken just after she completed her first back flip dismount. We have a point and shoot camera, so we tend to miss the action sometimes. Sue us.Look at her teetering on the edge of that trampoline? FEARLESS.Like any pro gymnast, she spent time contemplating her next move. Looking at how she can

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-26212034999853003432010-01-12T09:19:00.001-08:002010-01-12T09:34:27.919-08:00

The cycle we got pregnant with Sabrina cost about $12,500.The total cost of treatment (our out of pocket cost) for the nearly two years it took to get to that point was about $20,000.This pregnancy? We're at about $15. One pack of pregnancy tests on sale at the regular drugstore, then two from the Dollar Tree for one dollar each (holla!).It's like a freebie. Apparently people do this every day

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-63719891952944862802010-01-07T10:39:00.000-08:002010-01-07T12:29:28.662-08:00

In the interest of totally over sharing with the Internet, I, right this minute, have a handful of pads shoved into my purse just in case I start my period. Because? after I had Sabrina, I for some reason no longer got the advance warning in the way of horrid cramps and biting Chris' head clean off for just breathing. Sadly, I think the latter is because I developed some kind of permanent PMS (

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-57441172565402803322009-12-31T15:05:00.000-08:002009-12-31T15:18:18.074-08:00

Okay, so the title was going to be "Merry Christmas from the Cookie Monster!" but then I realized today is New Year's Eve and I'm just a tad late posting about Christmas, so I thought I'd just segue into New Years, but with the same topic.It all worked out well in my head.In my defense, I have been really sick. Yes, it's JUST a cold but it's the worst cold in the entire world, ever and I hate

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-16309207516785135762009-12-21T09:16:00.000-08:002009-12-21T09:39:20.448-08:00

Dear guest,We're so happy to host you and give you free food, booze and shelter. We turn up the heater to ensure you're comfortable, even though I am really anal about our gas & electric bill. We do this for you. Our guest. We also meticulously plan a menu to ensure we don't violate any food allergies, and try our very hardest to accommodate your personal preferences for food. Even if it's not

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-72574453735693861052009-12-18T09:41:00.001-08:002009-12-18T10:18:57.858-08:00

I know, it's getting old. Bear with me, it will all be over in about a week.We're hosting Christmas. Actually, we are hosting two Christmases. I like to entertain. Actually, I really like to entertain. But I'm pretty sure I'd like it a whole lot more if I wasn't quite so....po'.One thing I have focused on is the tablescape. I have spent countless seasons watching Sandra Lee sip her cocktail and

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-75343155768240063652009-12-15T08:19:00.000-08:002009-12-15T12:02:15.063-08:00

Are Chris and I just bitter Scrooge's, or does anyone else hate the decorating part of Christmas?Specifically? The tree. (I also really hate egg nog, which is odd considering my affinity for all things containing alcohol, but something about drinking eggs makes me want to vomit, even if it will get me drunk. I have some standards. But that's another post altogether.)I can hang a wreath like no

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-33583324179760113962009-12-11T09:14:00.000-08:002009-12-11T09:46:17.605-08:00

December 12th holds more significance to me than Sabrina's actual birthday.December 12th, 2007 was the first day we met. Sure, she was only 8 cells and lacking....well, pretty much everything...but it was the day our little 3 day old embryo was transferred into me. And she stuck. For me, December 12th is the day we started our lives together.December 12th, 2007December 12th, 2008December 12th,

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-24131430342933740732009-11-20T09:56:00.001-08:002009-11-20T10:42:30.670-08:00

I'm a little fried this week and not feeling terribly inspired. It's been a while since I've even looked at my Google Analytics to get my laugh on over what people google that takes them to this site, and even longer said I shared some of these gems with y'all. Some highlights:#4: mrs.wubbin - Now, if you don't know The Brakes and Gas blog (you should), you won't find this as amusing as me.

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-32122493839220379542009-11-11T08:58:00.000-08:002009-11-11T09:27:54.996-08:00

Being a working mom, it's rare that I get to partake in activities like story time at the library, or activities with other moms. For whatever reason, activities for parents and kids are extremely limited (if not completely non-existent) on the weekends so it's something working parents miss out on.Which turns out, is probably a good thing in my case.Sabrina's therapy has ended, but I'm still off

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-84714020684041608422009-11-04T09:18:00.001-08:002009-11-04T09:30:26.556-08:00

Someone has officially graduated from Early Intervention!Sabrina's last physical therapy evaluation was this week and she "no longer qualifies for Early Intervention services" which is the technical way of saying, she is one mobile little fucker and doesn't need any help with her mad skillz.Holla!There was some concern about her language development, but after completing the full evaluation they

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-28571105988004325062009-11-02T11:00:00.000-08:002009-11-02T11:29:08.138-08:00

Literally. Because this has turned into a pest control blog and not a parenting one, I wanted to give you the much anticipated update on our, ahem, issues:Raccoons - the shit has worked. Again, literally. We bought $50 worth of mountain lion shit (who knew this was such a lucrative business?) and sprinkled it around our yard. Want to bring your kid over to play? Just watch out for the shit

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-37183837523687540562009-10-26T09:53:00.000-07:002009-10-26T10:22:24.663-07:00

As we approached the Haunted House, you could see the fog from the smoke machine creating the exact effect the organizers were looking for. It was perfectly eerie, perfectly creepy.The line was long, but that was okay. There was plenty to entertain us, including an extremely tall woman draped in chains who hissed at us and pounded the ground with a stake she held. People giggled nervously. I

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-42316452758798894052009-10-21T13:23:00.000-07:002009-10-21T13:33:48.181-07:00

This is a vicious flu season. It's aggressive, and it's early. I've had the actual, real flu once in my life and it was awful. Really, you do feel like you're going to die. You want to die. It's that bad.I got my seasonal flu shot as soon as I possibly could, and Chris and Sabrina got theirs as well.But we can't get the H1N1 shot, yet. Chris and I probably won't be able to get it at all.

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-51192888840154883162009-10-15T11:39:00.000-07:002009-10-15T15:21:07.426-07:00

I've had a hell of a week with what some may call critters; I call them wild animals.Let's start from the beginning.RaccoonsLet me preface this by saying, we do not live in the country. We live in a tract. We do not have sprawling yards.So why the fuck do I have six raccoons hanging out in my back yard? We have a small deck area flush with the ground with a piece of wood one might call a bench.

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-21560537049294553912009-10-12T09:11:00.000-07:002009-10-12T09:53:52.522-07:00

I'm very concerned about the direction Halloween has taken in recent years. As someone who loves Halloween - loves the gore, the scare, the true essence of the holiday, this new direction is very upsetting.I get that not everyone likes horror movies. I get that not everyone wants to dress up as a corpse or as something scary. I get that may not be appropriate for the little ones. So I totally

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-1646011036197421632009-10-02T08:09:00.000-07:002009-10-02T08:29:22.011-07:00

Hey, I'm not sure everyone got this memo, but:What your kid does developmentally, really has no bearing on you. For example, if your kid is rolling over at 2 months: you are still lame (if you were lame to begin with.). If you are a total loser, you are still a total loser if your kid is crawling before they hit 6 months. If you are generally dumb, you are still dumb even if your toddler is

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-45273685047253518542009-10-01T10:47:00.000-07:002009-10-01T11:24:36.754-07:00

Really this time.I'm having issues with my professional life. As in, I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know it isn't....this.I thought technical writing was the answer. Then I decided it wasn't. Not enough opportunity, especially as a freelancer. School was pretty expensive and time consuming for something that would likely not pan out. Then graphic design fell back into my lap

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-87509757212879609302009-09-25T07:56:00.000-07:002009-09-25T08:14:27.020-07:00

When you pursue treatment for infertility, especially when you do something like IVF, you find yourself defending your decision to pursue treatment rather than adopt.I know. I KNOW! There are so many things wrong with that, but I won't touch on that subject.Anyway, when backed in a corner having to defend why I have such a selfish need for my very own biological spawn, I tried to explain (beyond

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-69976051786892547192009-09-21T11:20:00.000-07:002009-09-21T11:33:37.962-07:00

The cold and flu season is already upon us, even though it's still hotter than shit where I live and I'm trying not to be bitter about that since it's something I simply can't control, but for crying out loud, tomorrow is the first day of Fall and there is no way I can wear my cute boots or sweaters (okay, so I don't have either cute boots or sweaters at this moment but I am totally planning on

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-22104003059008228562009-09-09T08:50:00.000-07:002009-09-09T09:22:46.995-07:00

We recently took a (much needed) long weekend as our "staycation". What we learned:1) The Discovery Museum was lots of fun for Sabrina:2) Chris and I decided we would prefer to not workChris says it's wrong to plan on winning the lottery and we should not include that in our five year plan, but I disagree.I think one of us should go on Big Brother. Chris is nicer and would probably make it

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-54060551170485242252009-08-31T10:36:00.000-07:002009-08-31T10:42:44.714-07:00

Okay, here's the deal. [*big sigh*]Sabrina got some monetary gifts for her birthday. I'm positive the givers of said gifts intended the money to be for Sabrina. To go in a savings account for her. For her future.We totally have a savings account for her.But the money totally didn't end up there.And it's not the first time it's happened.[*not feeling better yet*]Look, her par-tay wasn't cheap,

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-9169203063871916042009-08-27T14:08:00.000-07:002009-08-27T14:22:20.588-07:00

Migraine pain.Let me rephrase that: motherfucking migraine pain.You know what's even worse than that? Migraine pain combined with an eye infection and possible sinus infection. And then? Just when you start to feel semi-human? Your daughter gets her 12 month shots and has a reaction that renders her so weak she can't even crawl properly, and croaked like a frog when she tried to speak. And then?

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-91490627131749131602009-08-19T08:20:00.000-07:002009-08-19T09:04:06.738-07:00

This morning, I was very quiet as I changed Sabrina's diaper and got her dressed for the day.This morning, I had a one year old. A child that barely fits on her changing table, one that attempts to escape from the diaper change at any chance she gets. A child that flashes me a huge smile showing her 3 1/2 teeth. One that puts her pajama bottoms on her head and waits with perfect comedic timing

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-63002100234570855542009-08-17T09:06:00.000-07:002009-08-17T10:58:27.216-07:00

Sabrina's first birthday party was this past weekend.We really know how to throw a party. We have no clue how to throw a kid's party, but thankfully (again) this wasn't about her. It was about us. The adults. So it was an adult party.My kind of party (the open space is for the cake. That's only 1/4 of the booze in the fridge). No, we did not get a keg. Why? They're heavy. Also? With cans and

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-61590508832860533692009-08-10T09:08:00.000-07:002009-08-10T09:26:11.921-07:00

I came to the realization a while back that this blog isn't about Sabrina, it's about me. (Anyone else seeing a theme here? Perhaps I should have just titled it ME. It's probably taken.)I do hope, however, that at some point when she's old enough to read profanity - like 4th grade or something - that she does read my first blog and this one as it will give her insight into her mom. Especially if

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-19383631130925531232009-08-10T08:24:00.000-07:002009-08-10T08:52:44.481-07:00

Not much. No, really. Awards are at the top of my list of things I really like.Clarification: Awards awarded to ME are at the top of my list. Awards that don't involve me, like the Academy Awards for example, lose my interest quickly.So I got all giddy when I saw that Ava from Gametes in Love had passed along this "One Lovely Blog" award - seen HERE:Thank you, Ava! Luuuurve it!I'm going to pass

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-43204587341999945242009-08-07T09:13:00.000-07:002009-08-07T11:25:27.509-07:00

Why do we focus so much on recommendations, especially when they change so often?(also, is it just me or does the American Academy of Pediatrics seem particularly fickle? Or wishy washy? They seem to change their mind a lot.)Let's take milk, for example.I don't know much about this parenting thing, but I knew you gave babies whole milk - and only whole milk - after a year. Anything but whole milk

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-6457772160407921812009-07-29T08:04:00.000-07:002009-07-29T08:14:32.870-07:00

I'm officially declaring myself an unfit mother (for this week, at least).In the last 3 days, Sabrina has - while under my watch - in fact, all while I was right next to her:Face planted on that god damn Leap Frog table, causing a bloody nose, as well as a bloody and swollen lip.Choked on a cracker. I'm talking FULL ON choking, grabbing her by her ankles and whacking her on the back, choking. All

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-26854265176334703262009-07-27T10:03:00.001-07:002009-07-27T10:23:50.460-07:00

I'm just kind of in denial. Because that means less than a month until she turns one year old and...it's gone way too fast.I've become a total cliche. Every milestone, every new thing she does, every outfit she outgrows is utterly bittersweet. After months of worrying, stressing and obsessing that she wasn't doing what she should be at that age, now that she is on track, it's tough.I'm surprised

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-52893501780942024702009-07-24T11:25:00.000-07:002009-07-24T11:32:16.356-07:00

This isn't the type of thing they write about in books about parenthood, or infant developement, or even something (apparently) that is easily Google-able. But it's an important question, and I'm hoping my vetran mommy readers can help shed some light on this:Does baby hair grow in weird directions early on and, if so, does it start growing "normal" at some point, and if so, when?Because

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-12307691671269611542009-07-21T08:17:00.000-07:002009-07-21T08:28:12.890-07:00

Disclaimer: What follows is a post discussing bowel movements. Please do not read if you are eating, or if you don't like to talk about poo. (Just putting that out there, even though we all know that everyone likes to talk about poo). Tuesdays are physical therapy day. Which means the Physical Therapist comes to our house at 10:30am, thanks to the Early Intervention program. Which is fantastic,

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-88201092893357169432009-07-16T12:42:00.000-07:002009-07-16T13:02:31.442-07:00

The (at the time) oldest mom in America died this week. She was 67 years old when she gave birth to twin boys. Boys conceived, obviously, through fertility treatments. IVF, to be exact.The almost 3 year old twins are now orphans, and her death again opened up that can of worms regarding fertility treatments and ethics.Because the two are mutually exclusive, don't you know? Or at least, a large

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-29622224589089604342009-07-15T09:21:00.000-07:002009-07-15T10:49:35.146-07:00

Violet Beauregarde. Or for those of you that don't have Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory memorized, the kid that blows up into a huge blueberry:Why should we re-name our dear daughter? Because she's blowing up like Violet lately. And, it's a little unsettling. Aren't kids supposed to thin out when they start moving around all the time? Mine is doing the reverse. (also: she's never on her

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-23158822329106582492009-07-10T09:26:00.000-07:002009-07-10T09:36:54.574-07:00

I'm still on my quest for weight loss.I weigh myself each and every morning. Most days this results in me shaking my fist at the sky and screaming, "WHY???!!!!" but some days, there is progress.Like this morning. Somehow, overnight, I lost an entire pound. Which is a bigger deal than you think because this put me at a number I haven't seen on the scale in almost 2 years.I was very excited.

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-65151376216455992282009-07-08T10:25:00.000-07:002009-07-08T10:59:57.630-07:00

Once upon a time, I saw a therapist to help me learn to cope with my lifelong obsession with sickness and death. One of the first things she asked me was how I self-soothed as a baby or child.Me: [blank gaze] "Um, smoking?"Therapist: "No, dear...as a child or baby. What self-soothing techniques did you employ?"Me: [blank gaze] "Second-hand smoking?"(My mom just stopped following my blog)I had no

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-4416037207652636672009-07-06T07:53:00.000-07:002009-07-06T08:01:18.682-07:00

Happy First 4th of July, Sabrina!I have to apologize for the cleavage picture, although all of my pictures recently seem quite boobalicious. No, not pregnant. Not breast feeding. Just chubby. As is made abundantly clear by the super arm chub I'm sporting. I really have been trying to diet and I did lose a few pounds. How? I've been eating less and exercising more. I know, I KNOW! I totally could

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-87139101507352060622009-06-30T12:36:00.000-07:002009-06-30T12:50:21.300-07:00

For months, we truly agonized over the decision to get Sabrina a helmet (DOC band) for her positional placiogephaly. I mean, agonized. How do you know if you're doing the right thing for your child? We met with specialists. We met with more specialists. We did tons of our own research. We looked at her profoundly flat head with concern daily. I yearned for her to grow more hair. I googled baby

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-30135448816859304162009-06-25T08:50:00.000-07:002009-06-25T15:33:01.422-07:00

The entire Jon & Kate divorce debacle has effectively littered the Internet with endless opinions on marriage and how they have "given up."Frankly, it's irritating the fuck out of me.Beyond the fact that this is a television show and you are only seeing what the producers want to you see (i.e., what will get ratings, people) and you have no clue what actually did or didn't happen, there is a

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1009634100510098032.post-67539624621245614242009-06-22T10:18:00.000-07:002009-06-22T10:29:30.720-07:00

Sabrina's 10 months old. Double digits. *sigh*The 10 Best Things About Sabrina:10. Her Pigtails (I love them.)9. Her obsession with shoes.8. Her bedhead.7. How long it takes her to wake up from a deep sleep...it's quite an event.6. Her determination5. Her giggle and belly laughs4. How she holds on tight to us3. Her sense of humor2. Her smiles1. The funny faces she makes all the time. Like this

SmartAssMomhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03402386979327889256noreply@blogger.com5