Thursday, October 1, 2009

I think I'm having a mid-life crisis.

Really this time.

I'm having issues with my professional life. As in, I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, but I know it isn't....this.

I thought technical writing was the answer. Then I decided it wasn't. Not enough opportunity, especially as a freelancer. School was pretty expensive and time consuming for something that would likely not pan out. Then graphic design fell back into my lap with my current job and I decided I liked it again. So much that I went through the whole process of starting a business to do some work on the side. But now I don't know if I want to do that, and I hate all of the designs I've done for the website. I don't even like my logo. If I can't design for myself, who am I kidding?

I'm an Executive Assistant. Which really in this capacity means I do sales analysis and create sales presentations. The occasional phone call for my ego-maniac, douchey boss.

I'm bored shitless. Really, I do very little work. If I had work to do, I'd do it. But I don't. I've been here 4 years, have taken on more responsibility virtually every fucking month, and I'm still bored.

It's totally uninspiring. I am a lot smarter than this. I'm a lot better than this job. It pays fine, I don't commute, benefits are great. That's what's kept me here. But now it's getting to me, big time.

I'm not sure if I need a new job, or need confidence to do something else or if I am just focusing on what's lacking in my professional life for the first time because I don't have anything else to focus on.

We spent so long trying to get pregnant and focusing on that, that everything else went to the back burner. Now I realize I'm just completely unfulfilled in what I do every single day.

But I have no idea what else to do. I don't have the time or money for extensive schooling. Or even a little schooling. I have a Bachelors in Electronic Communication Arts (I can just say communications but it doesn't sound as cool), and my emphasis was in audio engineering. Why? Because I liked music and electronic toys. The problem? I graduated in the mid-90's before digital technology took over. I learned all about analog. I'm a dinosaur with audio engineering. In short? That emphasis is totally useless. If I walked up to a sound board today I'd just stare at it and wonder what all the pretty buttons do. I'd ask where the tape reel is and they'd point and laugh.

It's so bad that the other day when I changed the lock on our door I thought, "That was fun." Then I proceeded to google "how to become a locksmith." Incidentally, it's harder than you think. You have to be an apprentice and shit! WTF?

What should I do with my life? Being a stay at home mom isn't an option financially, nor is it one if my husband and daughter want to live with a (semi) sane person. Preferably I'd like to work part-time with full time pay and benefits. Thanks for your help, blog peeps!

ETA: So I took one of those online quizzes and look at what they came up with:
  • Novelist
  • Photographer
  • Vet
  • Medical Technician
  • Paralegal
  • Geologist
  • Marine Biologist
  • Graphic Designer
  • Online Content Developer
  • Webmaster
  • Computer Security
  • Producer
  • Computer Programmer
  • Technical Writer
  • Systems Analyst
  • Meteorologist
  • Artist
I think ivillage reads my blog because seriously? graphic designer and technical writer? It's like they are in my head, but not. Even more creepy? Marine Biologist was what I wanted to be when I was like, 10. But I think that's just because it sounds really cool. I had no idea what they did. Actually, I still don't.


minivan soapbox said...

I like the fact that you would like to work part time - but with full time pay. I agree with that...Actually, I would prefer to drink beer starting at noon and get paid for that.

Missy said...

Do NOT teach! Unless you like combat!

Brakes and Gas said...

I think it is fairly typical to have an identity crisis after reaching a certain point in life. Not helpful really, but you are not alone. I would like nothing more than to be a soap opera star or a farmer however I don't even watch soaps and I can't seem to keep a freaking basil plant alive. At least you have realistic ideas about what you want to do. I have faith you'll figure it out!

The GVZs said...

I was at some horrible dinner for my husband's work once and the topic of conversation was these kinds of mid-life crisis' and I went off on marine biologists. As in everyone wants to be one when they are a kid, but what do they do? Who pays them? Where do they actually work? I had a good 10 minute rant about it when the woman sitting next to me said, 'I am a marine biologist.' I shit you not. She used to work for Sea World.

Aunt Becky said...

My answers? (don't hurt yourself laughing too hard)

*Chicken Vet

*Brick Layer