Friday, June 5, 2009

Why I can never be a juror.

I had jury duty this week. Lucky for me, it was rather quick and painless and we were all dismissed after a few hours because there ended up not being a trial.

Which is great, because I cannot be on a jury.

I get paid for jury service, it's not that. My job is hardly too demanding for me to not be gone for a few days, it's not that. I'm perfectly capable.

But I have zero tolerance for stupidity, and it seems that the stupid flock to jury duty and are too stupid to get out of it so you get stuck in a room with 11 stupid people that like to hear themselves talk and I cannot do that. I would attack someone and end up as a defendant. I'm truly considering talking to my doctor about this so I can get a permanent medical excuse from jury duty.

We didn't even assemble in a court room. No one had any reason to speak, yet I was still subject to the utter stupidity of the American race.

Juror Orientation Chick: "You may use your parking permit that was on your summons to park in the 90 minute or 2 hour parking. Or, you can park in the all day parking lots."

Idiot: "Excuse me? I'm parked in the all day lot, is that okay?"

One good thing came of my brief stint doing my civic duty. I recently chopped my hair off and while it was much needed (I was feeling like Crystal Gale), I've been on the fence about it. Is it stylish or is it a mom hair cut? Do I do bangs or no bangs? (Verdict on that one was that no bangs make my face look even fatter so I quickly went back to bangs). I pondered the state of my hair a lot. Considering I didn't bring a book to jury duty, I had a lot of time to think about it. And I learned that my hair, in comparison to the fashion magazines is probably not that stylish but in comparison to the average population that you see at jury duty, I look like a fucking fashion model.

Who is cutting women's hair in this county and why does everyone have such short layers? WHO is telling women that mullets are in style? God damn that Kate Gosselin and her freaky hair.


Kelly said... that's why I didn't get picked for jury duty. It must be becasue I am not an idiot, and not because I was WAY to judgemental and smart ass-ish during jury selection...

~M~ said...

My poor husband got stuck on a jury where one fellow juror didn't want to convict the defendant because "maybe it was his twin bother who did it" - even though a) the defense had never mentioned a twin brother and b) there was tape of the defendant confessing to the crime... ugh...

Sally's World said...

LOL, I can so relate, i recently wrote a couple of posts on my TWO week stint on jury service, i almost committed murder and needed a jury myself after three days of deliberations with a bunch of argumentative idiots with a collective IQ of bellow twenty i wold imagine!

if one trial finished, we just got put into the pot for another...they own you for two weeks here!!!

i did a rape, and a drug smuggling, both serious, both bloody awful!

ab said...

So. SO True.
I can't stop giggle snort laughing.