Thursday, January 8, 2009

Because it's like the elephant in the room...

...for me, at least. I just feel the need to address it.

With my previous blog, I didn't have a counter or track how many people came to it, or where they came from. Not that I wasn't interested, mostly because I couldn't be bothered with figuring out how to do it. You know, because I was really busy during my 4 1/2 months of bedrest.

Then came this blog, and I stumbled upon (which will be my code for "found after spending hours of my workday looking at non-work related stuff on the internet") Google Analytics, which not only counts how many people visit the blog, but how they got there. Direct, from blog referrals, referrals from a chat board I oh, occasionally stop by, and of course, search engine results. Those nice folks at Google made it so easy to add it to my blog, so I did.

I am nosy. I pretend not to be, but I really, truly am. I just like knowing things.

Don't get worried, I don't know who visits the blog, nor do I care. I know nothing about IP addresses and tracking and all that uber geeky shit. I don't know how many times you come to the blog, I don't know how many times you've gazed at my pictures, I don't know who you are...just how you got here.

And the search engine stuff is fascinating the shit out of me.

But before I go any further, I want to address the elephant in the room:

To Whomever is searching assmom - please, go directly to assmom.com if that's the site you are looking for. Simple type www.assmom.com into your address bar and it will take you straight there. Now maybe I'm wrong and you're not looking for some MILF porn, and if I am, I do apologize. You are obviously more than welcome here. It's just how you are getting here that concerns me a bit.

This goes for you, mom nipple, as well. I do apologize that my blog probably wasn't what you were looking for. I had no idea the demand for mom porn was so high, but regardless, if that's what you were looking for, my daughter's bleeding nipples probably killed the mood. Sorry!

For those seeking information on their kid's flat head, welcome. I'm sure I'll talk more about it in the days to come. My obsession seems to be getting worse.

To the person who googled, "Storm Watch 2008" and landed on my Nipple Watch post, eeek, I'm sorry and a touch embarrassed.

To "my 3 month old has bleeding nipples?" Oh my God! HI! Welcome and you should email me and we should totally hang out because our kids are one in a million. Or more.

And finally to those searching hypochondria, baby blog and the like, welcome. You'll find a good home here. I take care of my hypos with lots of TLC.

13 comments:

SwishDesigns said...

I so love your blog! And this post was so funny! It's funny how people stumble across things isn't it?

Kelly said...

You crack me up...now I'm off to go find this gadget...

christi said...

You are freakin' hilarious.

Sara | Stinkerpants! said...

I just found you via the nest, and this entry is freakin' hilarious. I'm adding you to my reader. Nice to meet you!

angelabbf said...

HAHA!!!

Heather said...

hahaha...that is hilarious!

Nick, Jocelyn and Kevin said...

LMAO. Seriously.

Sasha & Mark said...

Hilarious!

Michelle Z said...

Laughing my butt off! Thats too funny!

Kendra said...

That's hilarious and creepy at the same time!

sara said...

Oh my goodness assmom! Now I need to find out how to use this...I might need a little help, LOL!

c said...

You're too funny! I also use google analytics and it's amazing how many people search for odd things and end up at my blog.

WineCountryWife said...

This is just one more reason why I love your blog. HILARIOUS! Going to add google analytics to my blog now. . .