Friday, March 6, 2009

Next time I create a blog...

I'll think a little more carefully about using the word "ass" in the title.

Who knew mom's asses and mom porn was such a searched topic in the world of Google? Not I. I didn't put much thought into my new blog name. I was sitting here pondering my options, most of which were taken, when I thought, "Well, I'm a smart ass, and I'm going to blog about being a mom...smartass mom! Woo, it's not taken!" Which is probably where the story would end if I didn't have my Google Analytics. While some of the search terms are a little alarming, most make me laugh, which is always good. Some of my recent faves:

Big ass mom: (which encompasses all of the variations, including or excluding the extra descriptions like 'horny', 'seeing', etc). - Ladies, I just want to throw out there that if you are a mom and have a big ass, there is a huge market for you. Huge. We are in a recession, and people are looking for money wherever they can get it. If you are interested, email me and I'll give you the scoop on all the various search terms related to big ass moms, so that your site can really take off.
Over 40 mom's with cute ass: You're half right. I'm under 40, though.
Approaching a hypochondriac: Generally, this is something I advise against. Just don't do it.
What to do if you think your kid is a hypochondriac: Interesting angle. Clearly this doesn't apply to me, but perhaps my mom can be a guest blogger. Share her insights, experiences. Mom?
My Mom has a hickey: Whoops. Well, if you're old enough to search this on the computer, than it's unlikely it was from you, as was my case. Maybe it isn't a hickey, maybe it's from her curling iron. Happened all the time in the late 80's.
Tamara losing house Housewives of OC: Ooooh, really? Now I have to google this.
Infant Flat head seizures: Oh, great. Now I have something else to worry about. These things go hand in hand?

Now for the what the fuck? section.
Mommy clear ass - I've pondered this one more than I care to admit and really can't figure out what it means. Anyone have any idea? I'm dying to know.
moms first ass - Is this a new toy?

And this week's favorite:

MOM SMOTHERS CHILD WITH HER ASSES. (Note the plural there. Asses, not just ass.)


Sasha & Mark said...

LOL-- I love these posts!

Kelly said...


Me said...

I'm laughing my big, under 40 ass off! Thanks for sharing!

Rachel said...

These posts never fail to make me laugh! :)

the mama bird diaries said...

Very funny searches.

sara said...

We have a plastic surgeon at work who does a lot of liposuction of the rear his nickname is the "ass master." Now that is just weird, LOL! Hope you're doing well!