Friday, September 25, 2009


When you pursue treatment for infertility, especially when you do something like IVF, you find yourself defending your decision to pursue treatment rather than adopt.

I know. I KNOW! There are so many things wrong with that, but I won't touch on that subject.

Anyway, when backed in a corner having to defend why I have such a selfish need for my very own biological spawn, I tried to explain (beyond the whole, um, adoption is not easy or cheap argument) that I really didn't have a need for a mini-me. But I did want to try for a mini-Chris. See, I love my husband. A lot. Why would I not want a mini-him? See his eyes in our child?

And you know what? I got my wish. My daughter looks nothing like me.

And now?

I take it back. I think I do want a mini-me. Because what seems to have happened, is she looks like Chris and acts like me. I think most everyone that knows us would agree that's not the ideal situation. Because? Acting like me apparently means my one year old is now throwing temper tantrums.

(No, I don't throw temper tantrums. Anymore. But I did, and sometimes I still do on the inside.)

She throws the full on, classic temper tantrum anytime I take something away from her or keep her away from something dangerous. Doesn't do it with anyone else. But with me? If I take the remote from her because she's about to set the parental control and then, oh my god, we wouldn't be able to watch television (!), she screams, cries and literally throws herself on the ground and kicks.

Good times.

I know she's frustrated that she can't communicate. So I thought baby signs would be a good outlet. She could let me know when she's hungry or tired or if she wants water. Sounded like a good idea at the time. But, we're totally inconsistent with it. Or I should say, I'm inconsistent because Chris hasn't even tried. He only knows two signs: divorce and rolling eyes. Really? I may be way off base, but I don't think those are even directed at Sabrina!

At any rate, I don't think those signs are what would help her now anyway. I think if I taught her, "hey mom, fuck you!", that might make her happy but she's certainly not throwing a tantrum because she's thirsty. She's throwing one because she's pissed. Pissed at me. Pissed that she's not getting her way.

Seriously, I thought I'd have more than one year of her life of not having a battle of wills with my daughter.

I'm at a loss of how to handle these things and they are getting embarrassing. She's too young for a time out or boarding school.

So, blog reading peeps, help me out. How do you handle tantrums?


aerialsoul said...

for us it's about distraction. I don't try to take anything away from G w/o having something to give him to replace it. So the electric cord gets replaced by a ball. Or I pick him up and bounce or swing for aa few seconds to let him forget about chewing on the remote. blah, blah, blah. What's hard is remembering to always have some backup item w/ us when we go out - small rattle toy, lovie, chew toy. Sometimes the distraction takes longer than others.

minivan soapbox said...

Distraction worked for us as well.......But the memory is a little fuzzy....It's been a while. We're at a 'time out' age now. But good luck babe. I know it's frustrating.

WineCountryWife said...

I definitely use the distraction method all the time as well. I will ask her nicely to give me back whatever it is that she has that she shouldn't have, and tell her she can play with x,y, or z toys instead. Then if she doesn't listen to me (she's at the point where she can listen to me but most of the time chooses not to) I tell her she can either bring it to me on her own, or I can get it, but if I get it it is going to come with a swat (not spanking, an extrememly light little swat on her tush so that she knows what she did wasn't right. Then I give her something else instead. Now, if she throws a tantrum, I make sure she is safe, and I ignore her - and let her get it all out. If shes not in a safe place to thrash around, I put her in a safe place to get it out, tell her when she's ready I'm here to give her hugs and kisses, and then I ignore her. Anyway, thats what I've gleaned from the parenting books that I've read. Good luck! My dd is a tantrum thrower as well. Super fun in the store when she doesn't get what she want. Oi.

Lattes and Xanax said...

You can't stop what's in her DNA! You could tell from birth there was something special and sassy behind those eyes and cute smile. Accept that she's going to have a big personality and need for independance and these times WILL pass and move on to he next great (or not-so -reat) stage. And love every minute that she gives you a kiss or puts her head on your shoulders; that's what saves us as parents. Finally, don't take her the store or out to dinner until she's sixteen.

Aunt Becky said...

Totally distract her. I say screw anyone who tells you to talk the kid through it. I know it works for some kids, but Alex? Would punch me. *I* would punch someone if they tried to coax me through one.

Just try to get her distracted. She's pissed that she wants candy for breakfast and you say no?


Erin said...

Wine. Oh, you mean for Sabrina? Um...I'm fresh out of ideas because I don't have a mini-me quite yet. (perhaps that's the reason whY?!). Good luck, though!

Anonymous said...

i know I'm late to this... but i would just walk away...of course she followed me, but luckily they haveshort memories...then just put elmo on :)