Tuesday, March 16, 2010

WTF, Disney?

A few months ago, we received an offer in the mail to join the Disney Movie Club.

(Yes, as a matter of fact, I was a member of the Columbia House music club. And no, the crappy selection I had to pick from was not worth the 15 CD's I got for a penny. And no, I clearly have not learned my lesson).

We received 6 DVD's for a dollar or something ridiculous. I picked out a couple that I remembered being favorites of mine when I was little: The Fox and the Hound, The Aristocats. A Winnie the Pooh one because she loves her some Pooh, Finding Nemo because hello? Ellen is hilarious!, Chris picked The Wild (he's old), and A Bug's Life.

With her brutal stomach flu last weekend, it seemed a great time to try a DVD for the first time. I do realize "they" say children under two should not watch any television, but "they" strike me as very strict and boring so I choose not to listen to "them". Besides, Disney has got to be better for her to watch than Real Housewives of New York City (sidenote: what the hell is going on with Bethany? Everyone hates her!)

Well, Disney, thanks a lot for making all of us cry. Why are the movies so sad? I know, I know. They end up with happy endings and it's all about some lesson or some other bullshit but hello, my kid doesn't get that (frankly I'm struggling with it myself) and all we see is sad. Fox and the Hound? Started off lovely with a cute little basset hound. (I think it's a basset hound. Clearly it's some kind of hound. Thus the title.). Next thing you know the hound is tied up, crying, and the fox is unbearably upset because his friend is crying. Sabrina starts saying, "No, no, no..." as I sit there horrified. I jump up to turn it off because it's not okay to make a sick child sad.

Winnie the Pooh can't be sad, right? Wrong. Admittedly I wasn't watching this one as intently, but something happened and Pooh was sad. So Sabrina was sad. Again, turn it off.

Moving on to Nemo. I forgot the entire premise of Nemo. Like Nemo damn near gets sucked up into a propeller before disappearing into the big ocean and leaving his broken hearted father to search for him. And the sharks? Seriously? Those fuckers are scary. Again, not appropriate.

I haven't seen A Bug's Life myself, so I thought I'd give it a shot. Not as bad as the others in terms of sadness, but still a little scary for kids. Really, don't we all find weird bugs a little scary?

I haven't even touched The Wild or Aristocats. I'm scared now. Are we destined to only watch Berenstein Bears forever? Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of Ma, Pa, Sister and Brother. But On Demand only gives us 5 episodes and I've seen them all. Numerous times.

I'm not so sure about Disney. I guess we'll try a couple more and if those don't work out, I'm giving up. Next on our list is Bambi and Old Yeller. Wish us luck.


Carly Nicole said...

You are so right. And OMG do NOT do Bambi or Old Yeller. You will never recover. To this day, I refuse to watch the ending of Old Yeller and Bambi is well, JUST DON'T DO IT.

Ava said...

No chance the Disney Movie Club supports Sesame Street, is there?

Mason's Mommy said...

DMC does have some Muppets stuff, but I don't think any Sesame Street. S.S. is OnDemand though, and if you can suffer through the 5 min of Elmo's World they are worth it for the variety.

We just fast forward through the overly scarey & depressing parts. We have NEVER started Nemo from the start, we always begin at the First Day of School and skip the barracuda scene altogether.

Sabreena said...

Disney is the king of thinly veiled freakiness. I don't know who made Coraline but when I turned that on for my 3 year old my husband had a fit. Those button eyes and that nasty cat could give any child nightmares. Not all animation is as nice as it is advertised to be and it tricks me every time.

Nick, Jocelyn and Kevin said...

Same reaction to Finding Nemo here - he's good up until the sharks, and then quivering chin, then crying...

Cars has been the only one he'll watch all the way through (over and over again...) Mostly just loud, nothing too scary.

Jamers said...

I had a friend in college who wrote a paper about all the dead mothers in Disney cartoons. I had never really thought about it before, but it's SO true! I don't remember being scared as a kid, but kids I know now are pretty horrified by a lot of Disney cartoons (dead parent, scary villains), at least until they're around 5 or so. I mean... sure it all turns out well and there are lessons about good and evil and all, but jeez.

Mom in Boyland said...

Great post! I've already determined that the Disney people are evil personified through cute and cuddly characters. In almost every movie the Mother is dead. What the hell! You might as well watch The Real Housewives with your kids, it's way less scary.


Darlene said...

Love your post. Just when I thought, ok maybe its just the old school disney that's inappropriate...but then I saw UP, my 2 year old wanted to know why I was crying...felt liek such an ass...anyway, love your blog!