Friday, October 2, 2009

FYI: Your kid rolling over at 2 months doesn't make you any less lame.

Hey, I'm not sure everyone got this memo, but:

What your kid does developmentally, really has no bearing on you. For example, if your kid is rolling over at 2 months: you are still lame (if you were lame to begin with.). If you are a total loser, you are still a total loser if your kid is crawling before they hit 6 months. If you are generally dumb, you are still dumb even if your toddler is reading Shakespeare.

Conversely, if your kid isn't doing what the other kids are doing, it doesn't make you less fabulous. Or less lame, whatever the case may be.

Because? Developmental delays - or developmental superstars - normally have pretty much nothing to do with genetics, barring a disease being the reason for the delays. And? Pretty much nothing to do with what you have done as a parent.

Lots of tummy time? That's fantastic. Your kid may roll early. May not. It has very little to do with you. Oh, and another FYI: parenting is not about you.

I just want to give everyone a heads up, because this attitude clearly starts early and gets worse as they get older. Let's nip it in the bud, shall we? When I sit next to you with my kid, and you ask how old she is, let's avoid this line of questioning:

Is she walking? (Oh, by the way. She is walking now and it's really freaking cute and fabulous. Just thought I'd put that out there.)
Does she say lots of words?
Of course she says Mama, right?
My Sarah is bilingual thanks to our nanny! Does Sabrina understand Spanish?
Does she get herself dressed in the morning? Pick out her own outfits?

Because it just gets worse. Smug parent boasting about how Sarah got an A in Algebra. That simply doesn't change the fact that you failed Algebra, and that you still don't understand it and had to hire a tutor to help Sarah. Meaning: Your kid may be smart, but you're still dumb.

We all want to brag about our kids, and we should. I'm not saying we shouldn't. But I think everyone (well, maybe except the Smug Parent I'm referring to) knows there is a big difference between the competitive line of questioning and prideful comments. So the competitive stuff? Just knock that shit off. It's annoying as fuck and it gives us normal people a complex.


Faith, the Authoress said...

You rock.

Sandy said...

I couldn't agree more! I am having a little problem with what you might call "reverse discrimination" in this department. Oscar is crawling and pulling himself up to standing at seven months. I am NOT happy about this. I promise! I did NOTHING to make this happen and prayed for a few delays, lol (people who want their kids to become mobile early are crazy). However, people will ask me how old Oscar is and then give me dirty looks, like I'm feeding him steroids or something. I hate that parenthood is so competitive.

Aunt Becky said...

Dude. WHATEVER. I live THROUGH MY KID. Because if MY KID walked early, you know why?


Anonymous said...

Best blog post ever. Seriously.

Alison said...

Here Here!!!!!!!

bess said...

Love it.

Lani said...

Found you through BlogHer:) Thanks for saying what I'm thinking at every playdate!!

Rebecca said...

If you're not careful smug parenting can give you a nice swift kick in the groin.

My daughter (I'm always the first to say I'M not the brightest light bulb in the bunch)rocked it out when it came to developmental milestones. She did everything, early, effortlessly, and well.

Baby number two??? Everything LATE, uncoordinated, and not well at all. He gets all kinds of therapy, and probably could use more. I pray every day that his brain is okay and that as time goes on, he is more developmentally on track.

BabyonBored said...

Darn it. I really really wanted to take credit for my kid reading really early. But then again I'd have to take credit for her still wearing a pull-up to bed at 5. It all works itself out right?