Friday, June 19, 2009

Bloat jiggles, right?

Thanks to my wealth of hormonal issues, there are lots of times when I am quite bloated. There's really nothing I can do about. It has nothing to do with water intake or sodium or anything that could affect why a normal person would bloat. It has everything to do with that goddamn estrogen that I talk about all the time. Throw my stomach issues into the mix and it's a freaking bloat-fest some days.

I deal with it, because frankly, there is no other option. Every couple weeks my clothes will be tighter in the stomach. My tummy poofs out. I look a little pregnant. This is normal for me.

So yesterday, I was feeling really bloated. All day long. When I got home and changed my clothes, I noticed the bloat was...jiggling. Which seemed a bit out of character for my friend, bloat. Typically it's like a balloon, no jiggle. Jiggle would imply that it's not bloat, more that it's...fat. But that can't be. Bloat jiggles, right? I just haven't noticed it before...right?

Remember back in April when I saw pictures from the playground and noticed quite a bit of pudge around the belly? And how I was going to take care of that? I mean, it was April. I had plenty of time to get in shape for summer. Since then, I have:
  • Made a lot of sad sighing noises after I get dressed
  • Made sucking in my stomach while walking around a habit
  • Have said things like, "I need to lose weight", often after eating ice cream or a brownie
  • Have wondered what caused all of my underwear to suddenly shrink
  • Did Jillian Michaels "30 Day Shred" for 4 days...not consecutively
  • Did Jillian Michaels "20 Minute No Trouble Zones" once, and then Comcast removed it from the On Demand menu, which made me throw up my hands and say, "Well now I can't work out AT ALL!", even though there are 50 other workouts to chooes from, including the 30 Day Shred
  • Have stayed committed to my once to twice a week 3 mile run as long as I have good songs on my IPod, which seems to be the determining factor in whether or not I run
  • Lifted a couple weights up over my head but got bored so I stopped
I really can't blame post partum weight, Sabrina is 10 months old. And depending on the day, I'm only a pound or two away from my pre-pregnancy weight. Although that is not the weight I want to be at, anyway. It's just a time issue as far as working out. There isn't enough of it. I actually enjoy running and would like to do it more often, but it's hard to fit it in.

The reality is, I can run every day and still have the pudge. It's about how much I eat. I don't think it's that much, personally, but Weight Watchers seemed to think it was excessive. I was starving on Weight Watchers. I lasted two weeks. I lost 4 pounds, but I was too hungry to be happy. I was also 8 weeks post partum and it probably wasn't the brightest time to start a strict diet plan like that, but now I only remember being really hungry and all stressed out about points so I doubt I'll go back to it. Even though it's likely the most effective route.

For now, I guess I'll just do a lot of sad sighs and tell myself that bloat does jiggle and something is shrinking all of my underwear. And maybe I'll start buying the Miller 64 instead of Coors Light. That should help. Right?


Michelle said...

You are hilarious. I love your bullet points, especially the 3rd bullet and the last. I do the same thing with weights. I tell myself that lifting 8 lb dumbells over my head for 10 minutes is totally going to get rid of my bye-bye arm.

My underwear are shrinking too. Hmmm I should look into that.

A said...

LMAO, too funny!

Alison said...

LOL!!! OMG - I share soooo many of your sentiments.