Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Stage 5 Clinger
Is this a pregnancy thing? I've developed an unhealthy obsession with my daughter.
Yes, I still go to work every day and function like normal. On the outside. But beyond that, I am obsessed with kissing her, hugging her, forcing her to snuggle, having crazy fun playtime every chance we get. Sure, it sounds like a normal, loving mom. Problem is, my obsession has made me not want to discipline her because I don't want her to be sad. I don't want her to be upset. Like, ever.
God help me, I want her to be my friend. My 20-month old friend.
I think all parents have pre-conceived notions of what we will or won't do, and most of those fly out of the window the minute they are born. But we still have a list of "I'll Nevers..." that we may or may not verbalize.
One of my biggest "I'll Nevers" has always been "I'll never want to be their friend more than their parent."
Parents who care more about their children liking them than they do about creating and enforcing boundaries, structure and discipline almost always ended up on shows like Intervention talking about how they aren't sure what went wrong (hint, hint...you should have acted like a parent and not a friend).
I've really never understood that need, until recently. Don't get me wrong, I adore and have always adored Sabrina. I have never wanted her to be sad or upset. But always I kept the perspective that structure and discipline, while not easy, are good for her, important for her. I still believe that, wholeheartedly...but something about pregnancy has made it so much harder to execute.
Maybe it's not pregnancy. Maybe it's this face and amazingly fun personality.
She certainly doesn't make things easy, does she?