Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Time to come clean, Genevieve.

Dear Genevieve,

Recently, I purchased your Choo-Choo Soul DVD and CD for my daughter. My sister in law had discovered it at a retail store, and both my daughter and nephew enjoyed the DVD very much. Since most of my daughter's exposure to music had been along the likes of Lady Gaga, and since she's on the verge of starting to use words like "disco stick" in public, I thought a more toddler-friendly music selection was in order. Choo-Choo Soul seemed like a win-win situation: my daughter seemed to love it, and I personally could tolerate the songs with the soul-tastic vibe you've got going on. We were both excited when the DVD arrived on our doorstep. I quickly unwrapped it, all the while my daughter squealed with glee as she recognized your face. "This might be the best $11 I've ever spent!", I chuckled to myself. We played the DVD, and my husband and I both grinned from ear to ear as we watched our daughter not only have the time of her life, but started saying words we could understand as well! Jump, more, up, choo-choo! It was like a breakthrough and we couldn't have been happier. Seeing her happy makes us happy.

Once the DVD finished, she requested more by saying "choo-choo" and moving her arm like a mini conductor blowing a train whistle. My God, it couldn't be cuter. We obliged, and danced and clapped through another round of your songs. Being 5 months pregnant, I was admittedly getting a bit tired jumping around, but I powered through for the sake of my daughter's happiness. It's not a terribly long DVD, after all.

However, once the second round of Choo-Choo was done, that clearly wasn't enough for her. She continued to now demand Choo-Choo, by saying "Choo-Choo" over and over, all the while blowing the train whistle. The optimistic tone of her request was replaced by a sad, needy, desperate "Choo-choo", which was now being drug out to sound more like "Choooooo-choooooooooo" and the whistle blowing motion was verging on the pathetic in its lack of energy.

That night, we put her down for the night in her crib, as we always do. Typically she will goof around for a bit, and fall asleep. However, that night, she was having a party in her crib and when either of us went to check on her we were greeted with a toddler jumping in her crib, pointing to the door and yelling, "Choo-Choo!!!" (whistle blowing arm motion). Eventually she fell asleep.

Early the next morning, she awoke. I went in to get my smiling daughter, who is always giggly and happy in the morning. That morning was no different. Except: as soon as she sat up she said "Choo-Choo" and pointed to the living room.

The rest of the weekend was a constant barage of "Choo-Choo" requests, and we obliged more times than I am comfortable revealing - but let me just say I now know my ABC's really, really well. The reason I am writing to you, Genevieve, is I would like to know what the fuck kind of subliminal shit are you spewing into my living room through this DVD you call Choo-Choo Soul? This obsession she has is not normal, and from reviews on certain websites I see my daughter is not alone. Yes, the music is catchy, you have a lovely voice and the animation is eye catching. However, as much as I don't want to offend you, I have to say I don't see anything that warrants the obsession. Because it hasn't fucking stopped. I don't get "hi", I get "CHOO-CHOO!" when I pick my daughter up from daycare. It's non-fucking-stop and I am convinced you are brainwashing the toddlers of America. I want you to come clean. Now.

SmartAss Mom


janessa said...

I need to write a similar letter to Mr. Walt Disney regarding the movie Sleeping Beauty. Because all.day.long we get requests for 'Beauty!?! Peease? BEAUTY!?'

WineCountryWife said...

We have the same brainwashing problem with Elmo. I no longer matter, only Elmo matters. WTF is so great about that little red monster? I can't figure it out.

Anonymous said...

Disney does it again. I've had to endure "Monster's Inc" for the past 3 months. "BOO!! BOO!!" is what I hear every. single. day. ALL DAY!!!!! This post was fantastic!

KandiB said...

I know you're not supposed to let your infants/toddlers watch TV, but gawd, I really want to see this Choo choo lady, now. I kinda want to pump my arm up and down, too. Maybe just a teeny tiny bit wont hurt her :)

minivan soapbox said...

Mine was the fuckin' Chipmunks. I mean I can take some serious Disney folks...But those furry little vermin ALL DAY LONG - with the singing, and the dancing, and that stupid hula hoop song. People wonder why I buy beer in bulk.