I'm still very much an infertile on Mother's Day.
I don't care for Hallmark holidays. We don't celebrate Valentine's Day, because what's the point? A day to let my husband know I love him? Isn't that (supposed to be) every day? Mother's Day is no different to me. Or Father's Day.
But I have an especially bad taste in my mouth about Mother's Day.
Much to my own mother's displeasure, I'm sure. I have a great mom. I don't have complaints there. But the fact that I hate Hallmark holidays and the fact that this one is so painful for so many women, makes me cringe. And I don't like cringing.
I spent a couple Mother's Day wanting so badly to be a mom but it wouldn't happen. Or it had happened, and we lost it. Since I don't really care about the "holiday", it wasn't often overly emotional for me. But I was surrounded and embraced by a community of women who were wearing the same shoes as I, and their pain was absolutely unbearable. From the women who attended church service that morning only to have to remain seated as the pastor asks all mothers to stand for recognition, or the devout Catholic struggling with whether or not to proceed with infertility treatments as the Pope decides it's a good day to reinforce the church's stance on infertility treatments and denounce any child born as a result of those treatments, to the woman who mourns their lost child while people wish a Happy Mother's Day to those with live children only, to the woman who keeps their struggles silent only to be ignored on a day that would mean the world to her - for so many women, it's a painful day. A day so painful that I just can't get on board with celebrating it.
It's extremely difficult for me to hear women complain that they didn't get a big gift, or breakfast in bed, or be pampered in some way, especially for women where this has all come so easily - it's hard to not look at them and internally accuse them of taking all of it for granted. I get that for some, this is simply a day of acknowledgement. I don't really share that sentiment. I don't need acknowledgement for being Sabrina's mom. I wanted to be her mom. I love being her mom. I don't need special acknowledgement for wiping her ass, on one particular day of the year. Hopefully we all are acknowledged in some little way here or there throughout the year. If not, does getting breakfast in bed and a card on the second Sunday in May make up for the rest of the year? It shouldn't.